Relationships and Rubberbands

I am fortunate to have been in a relationship with P for nearly 17 years, of which we have been married for 12. We are both pretty tempramental so it would be a lie to say that it's been a dance on roses, at some points it's been more like "The War of the Roses". But we're still hanging in there.

I wonder if I would have succeeded thus far if I hadn't read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus: How to Get What You Want in Your Relationships many years ago. OK, maybe the second half of the book is a bit on the cheesy side, but the first half, describing the fundamental differences between the male and female psyche is invaluable.

I managed after weeks of nagging to even get P to read it (Thank goodness we were still young and in love at that point; I doubt I would have succeeded today ;) .). The points that have etched themselves into my brain (as well as my heart) throughout these years are as follows:

• When met with a problem, men focus immediately on finding a solution - knowing this makes it possible for me to tell P that although I understand where he is coming from, I am not interested in him fixing anything; that I'd rather have some understanding.
  
• Men have an inherent need to at times find sanctuary in there own, personal "cave" that has absolutely nothing to do with them feeling any less towards their partner! My husband visits his "cave" by either going to the track to train his horse or by staying up late alone and mindlessly watch T.V. I have noticed that the sooner I let him do it, without butting in, the better.
  
• Men are like rubberbands; the more they are allowed to be stretched away from home, the harder and faster they "snap back" upon their return. Luckily, this even works if I am the one who leaves the chicken farm for a while, like when I'm away travelling with work. I am always spoiled with a warm welcome when I come home.

I've even learned some things about the female psyche, for example:

• Women's emotions move like waves, and that they at times have to reach the "bottom of the well" before they can start reaching upwards again. Now I don't have to freak out about my emotional storms that sneak up on me from time to time.
  

Much of this is perhaps common sense, but it was nothing I had any idea about before reading this book. Cudos to Oprah who tuned me into it all those years ago. I love the fact that I now have the tools I need to show my husband that I love and appreciate him, in a way to which he can relate.

At this very moment, my husband is stretching his rubberband all the way to his friend's house, where he and the "guys" are watching the Sweden-Denmark soccer match. Thank goodness my husband is ½ Swedish-½ Danish. I'm looking forward to him snapping home knowing that regardless the outcome, his team will have won :-) .