Major frustration, lesson unknown (aside from the obvious)

Tonight, for the second time in my 23½ year driving career, I got busted for speeding. Not much, under 10 km over the limit (roughly 6½ mph). No cops, no drama, just an unexpected flash just as I was singing along to "Eternal Flame" on the radio. No excuses, right?

Yet, am I bitter? At the moment: What, are you kidding??? HELL, YEAH! I have been sooo bummed out, thinking about how tight I have been with money. How I have been really avoiding treating myself to unnecessary luxuries, like that Viatmenese lotus lamp in silk and bamboo that I fell in love with a couple of weeks ago. That lamp might as well be in Vietnam at this point because it certainly doesn't feel like I'll be treating myself to anything for a long time to come.

Usually I try to reason with myself and find some hidden meaning in all that happens, especially when I have screwed up. I suppose this lesson isn't too below the surface after all. I just have to lighten up on the gas.

Anticipation

I am really looking forward to teaching today's yoga class. The past few weeks I have been working on releasing that which can be released in my poses, and I'm happy to say that it's taking my practice to a new dimension, especially in hip-openers. The metaphor I used when I taught Wednesday's class was comparing doing yoga in sweatpants as opposed to wearing jeans. I encouraged them to find just how much energy was needed to achieve alignment, just as sweatpants need a waistband, followed by creating the same freedom of movement one feels in one's favorite workout clothes. Simple, but effective.

I like mixing it up in my yoga, which is one of the (many) things I love about Virya yoga. Today's class will be no exception. I plan on surprising them by cheerfully switching between levels 1, 2, and 3 throughout our modules, and I can't wait to see their reaction when they get to test these principles in supported handstands...

Relationships and Rubberbands

I am fortunate to have been in a relationship with P for nearly 17 years, of which we have been married for 12. We are both pretty tempramental so it would be a lie to say that it's been a dance on roses, at some points it's been more like "The War of the Roses". But we're still hanging in there.

I wonder if I would have succeeded thus far if I hadn't read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus: How to Get What You Want in Your Relationships many years ago. OK, maybe the second half of the book is a bit on the cheesy side, but the first half, describing the fundamental differences between the male and female psyche is invaluable.

I managed after weeks of nagging to even get P to read it (Thank goodness we were still young and in love at that point; I doubt I would have succeeded today ;) .). The points that have etched themselves into my brain (as well as my heart) throughout these years are as follows:

• When met with a problem, men focus immediately on finding a solution - knowing this makes it possible for me to tell P that although I understand where he is coming from, I am not interested in him fixing anything; that I'd rather have some understanding.
  
• Men have an inherent need to at times find sanctuary in there own, personal "cave" that has absolutely nothing to do with them feeling any less towards their partner! My husband visits his "cave" by either going to the track to train his horse or by staying up late alone and mindlessly watch T.V. I have noticed that the sooner I let him do it, without butting in, the better.
  
• Men are like rubberbands; the more they are allowed to be stretched away from home, the harder and faster they "snap back" upon their return. Luckily, this even works if I am the one who leaves the chicken farm for a while, like when I'm away travelling with work. I am always spoiled with a warm welcome when I come home.

I've even learned some things about the female psyche, for example:

• Women's emotions move like waves, and that they at times have to reach the "bottom of the well" before they can start reaching upwards again. Now I don't have to freak out about my emotional storms that sneak up on me from time to time.
  

Much of this is perhaps common sense, but it was nothing I had any idea about before reading this book. Cudos to Oprah who tuned me into it all those years ago. I love the fact that I now have the tools I need to show my husband that I love and appreciate him, in a way to which he can relate.

At this very moment, my husband is stretching his rubberband all the way to his friend's house, where he and the "guys" are watching the Sweden-Denmark soccer match. Thank goodness my husband is ½ Swedish-½ Danish. I'm looking forward to him snapping home knowing that regardless the outcome, his team will have won :-) .

Passing it on, living it up

I've gotten better giving up trying to control that which I can't control. The humility that follows comes with an enhanced sense of gratitude towards the simple shifts of fate the Universe offers that simply make my life easier and more enjoyable.

Today I was once again about to leave for Blekinge when I received a call from my client saying that the therapist we booked an appointment with was ill, and we would have to reschedule. Suddenly I had an "office" day that wasn't steered by any scheduled meetings. Since we had decided to book a new appointment the following Thursday, I would need someone to take over my Body Balance class next week. I knew my friend and colleague Carina, who was going to be teaching today's lunch class, had been ill so I called her and asked if she would mind switching classes with me. Needless to say, she was delighted. Talk about win-win.

The joy and endorphine kick I got from today's class has stayed with me throughout the day. The kids got to decide what to eat tonight (hamburgers), and my husband, who was also in a good mood after having been to the track to train his horse, made it home just as I was making them. Dinner was delicious with just the right blend of spices and toppings.

After dinner I plopped down in my "Lazyboy" recliner which I had bought when I was expecting my son. It's in the corner of our living room, and I don't often sit here, but geez, it's comfortable. A few minutes later my husband came out from the kitchen and lay a bag with a few remains of my favorite cornchips on my lap.

The atmosphere is simply harmonious.

Pain is NOT weakness leaving your body

It's arrogant. It's ignorant. And it comes at a high price.

The International Association for the Study of Pain gives this definition: PAIN is "an unpleasant sensory and emotional experience associated with actual or potential tissue damage, as described in terms of such damage".

Pain can be a number of things. Most often it is your body telling you to back off because danger is perceived. Sometimes the body's anticipatory fear is adequate, and failure to comply will lead to injury. How does that translate into losing weakness?

Pain is subjective. Sometimes one feels pain due to different types of psychological stimulus where there perhaps isn't a clear and present danger to the physical body presiding. Ask yourself then, "Why am I experiencing pain? Is there some issue I should be looking into rather than blindly pushing myself to the limit of what I can tolerate?" Or is hurting yourself psychologically somehow equivalent to losing weakness?

In yoga one can experience discomfort. Discomfort can be regulated by making sure that your breathing and focus are not negatively affected. One can have sore muscles as a result of one's physical exertion. This is a sign that muscle fibers have been broken, and in order to repair and replace them with new, stronger fibers the body requires rest.

Seriously, you wouldn't consciously hurt your children, right? Then why the hell would you want to do it to yourself? What is the point of unnecessary suffering? Use your energy to bring something positive into the world instead. By all means, exercise, get stronger, gain flexibility, build endurance, get leaner, lose weight, gain weight, but for goodness sake keep it healthy, and keep it sane! And don't forget that the mind needs nurturing, not torture.

The longest two minute walk ever.

When I walk to the kids' daycare it takes me about two minutes to get there - door-to-door.

When I walk home with my son, it takes at least fifteen, if not longer. It would take much longer if I didn't try to cattlesteer him homewards. Still, it is fascinating to see what a 5-year-old can discover in this world that his 39-year-old mother is too caught up in her own world to see...

Lucky

I woke up feeling anxious about today. I had appointments late in the afternoon in Malmö which meant that I would be leaving just as rush hour started, and all the way through Lund they're doing roadwork, so at best I would be getting home at 8 P.M. this evening.

Since my working hours are irregular I'm lucky that my husband can usually take care of picking the kids up from daycare in the afternoon. Today, with my consent, he would be packing his horse and sulky after lunch and make the 3½ hour trip to Malmö to start in a race at Jägersro (we'd be driving past each other somewhere around Kristianstad).

The neighbors were kind enough to say that the kids could wait at their house; we are so lucky to have them. Especially since I know they were expecting company, had a school meeting, and were going to take the dog to obedience school.

So even though there was a solution, it just didn't feel right. My daughter would be going on a bicycle trip with her class so I knew she was going to be tired this evening. And my son would be out all day playing and in dire need of a shower as well as an early bedtime.

Sitting in my car on my way to Malmö, I tried not to fret; I just figured I would hope for the best, hopefully I wouldn't be delayed. About half-an-hour after I started my trip I noticed that I had gotten an e-mail. Lucky for me my e-mails are delivered to my cell phone. It was from the therapist I would be meeting this afternoon. There had been a misunderstanding, and the girl we were supposed to meet was away on a field trip. So we had to postpone our appointment. My other visits could easily be rescheduled. I stopped my car, made a few phone calls, and headed back.

I couldn't believe my luck.