Airing of grievances...

I realize that I just wrote in my last entry that I can only look ahead, but, hey, that was like two days ago; things change, right?

So here goes: Damn, that yoga (written with a healthy dose of sarcasm and just a pinch of candor)! Leave it to a session on the mat to jumpstart the process of peeling layers, opening up, digging deep, stripping defences, and removing veils. Left is emptiness, all save that black clump lodged in between my stomach and heart, the place that I imagine inhabits, among other things, my soul.

OK, once again, I get carried away with the melodramatics, but if it's (almost) Festivus, then it's (almost) Festivus. That, and when my mind quiets, and my body's been worn out physically, I can sense a feeling of dark emptiness within the clean emptiness that otherwise replaces the regular bustle of everyday thoughts and actions. It's like all the insecurities from my past, all my misconceptions, all the times I felt I was either in the wrong or wronged, past hurts, feelings of wishing I had done things differently, they resurface longing to be set free.

In my favorite book, "Eat, Pray, Love", the author describes a couple of accounts where she cleanses her soul and mind of her own mental baggage through meditation. At one point she even experiences pure bliss. I wonder what that must be like? How much lighter would my step be? How much more energy would I have? How fewer sighs would I release?

No sadness here, just thoughts from the heart. The baggage has been around for so long, it's like second nature. I've made some progress throughout the years. I haven't gotten rid of my load, but for the most part at least I have wheels on my luggage, so it's not as hard to pull it along to wherever it is I'm going. Still, it would be nice if I could get the light to some day reach all the way through to my core; then maybe I could air my grievances and be free of them once and for all.