Terminal escapism

This is how my mind (re)acted while reading a yoga magazine the other day:

Me: Hmm...a yoga and meditation retreat....

Mind: I wanna go on a yoga and meditation retreat!

Me: Oh, look, a guru's going to offer the participants "shaktipat"...

Mind: It's not fair; I want SHAKTIPAT!!

Me: Interesting article about Ayurvedic treatments...

Mind: I want, no, I NEED Ayurvedic treatments!!!

It reminds me of how I used to fantasize my escape from whatever stress or frustration I at times found myself experiencing. I pictured myself impulsively packing my bags and passport, followed by me arriving at an airport terminal where I could study the departure sign in search of an exotic destination - ANY exotic destination. My so-called reasoning resounded itself like a mantra in my thoughts, "If I could just get a break, a chance to rest and recharge; that's all I need..."

I learned eventually that just as the term "terminal" in a medical sense means in essence a dead-end, this type of daydreaming was getting me exactly nowhere. But while I may have made some progress intellectually, it seems that my mind is still trying to lobby for my ego's desires. Just as you can see by reading my mind's "comments", it is simply trying to delude me by wrapping up my self-centered desires in pretty, seemingly soulful, yogic packages. *Sigh* I thought I was past this!

One thing is for sure: I am still searching, always searching. In meditation this morning I started out by asking my silence, "What am I searching for?" But I quickly reworded my question to, "What should I be trying to find?"

I was somewhat surprised by the speedy reply:

Silence: Happiness

Me: Is that all? What about everything else, the retreat, shaktipat, and stuff like that?

Silence: Seriously, do you need anything other than happiness?

Me: No, but...

Silence: (says nothing - typical(!))

Me: OK. When you're right, you're right.

So freakin' obvious - and just as brilliant as it was simple.