"Silence is a great teacher"

I wish I could credit myself as having said that, but once again I am only quoting something I read this morning. The owner of this piece of wisdom is yoga expert Sarah Powers.

I need all the wisdom I can get right now. A new, stressful period filled with big decisions seems to have engulfed me. I've been hypersensitive which in turn makes it oh-so-much-easier for me to fall into the chip-on-the-shoulder-I-dare-you-to-push-my-buttons trap. So I did. I messed up.

Parallel to this I have been (slowly but) steadily increasing my meditation practice. It's small scale, but I have formed my own, little routine: 60 seconds preparation, 5 minutes alternate-nostril breathing, 10 minutes meditation, 30 seconds awakening. The other day my focus was a loved one's health issue, that I seem to worry about more than this particular person does. I asked myself silently, "What if she dies?" The answer from within my silence came immediately: "Then she dies." Morbid, perhaps? Not really. More like dead-on true (forgive the pun). Life is finite. Sooner or later we are all going to die, and even if I were to get this person to behave as I would like her to, that's still no guarantee for a long, happy life. The follow up message from my inner self was that how I carry on with my life is ultimately up to me, and that I have the capacity to deal with life's hardships without succumbing to fear.

Feeling somewhat relieved at that thought, I found myself turning back towards silence today when I found myself filled with equal portions turmoil and regret. The same wise voice returned and proceeded going through the following inquiries: Did you apologize? Yes. I totally own my bads. Had you messed up? Yes, but making mistakes comes with being human, right? Well, sometimes, yes...it happens to all of us...anyhow...What more can you do? Well, aside from promising that I will not make the same mistake again, I think it's up to the other person to see what she does with my apology? Go on... I guess I should just try to be patient and focus on staying calm; you know, stop playing the self-righteous tapes over and over again about how provoked I was, or how wronged I was - like I usually do in a situation like this. Does that seem like a good plan to you? Actually, yes.

And once again I felt a little more at peace. I hope it works.

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