Day 2: Got home last night from a short trip to Skåne. For the first time in years my husband and I had an entire evening, night, and morning to ourselves. Very good for the soul...
No real abstinence from avoiding the computer or shopping, but I notice how frequently some thoughts arise, things like, "...maybe I should just...check this...price that...", but aside from checking e-mails and blogging, I am still on the wagon.
Maybe by slowing down I am allowing myself to feel my discomfort (the word pain sounds too melodramatic - I'm not exactly suffering). But as soon as I'm not doing something, I feel as though I should be doing something. And when I do something, if it's something I'm supposed to be doing, like work or household chores, I don't feel like doing it.
Today I took to the woods to pick blueberries. I'm not even one who considers herself a blueberry-picker, but I felt a desperate need to escape outdoors. With my eyes to the ground in the shelter of the damp, scented forest, I experienced a nagging desire to find some deeper meaning in my actions, as though my method of picking (or rather, my non-method) could somehow manifest itself into a blueprint to success in life.
But the only blueprints to be found were the ones left by my stained fingers. I found the whole thought process agitating actually. I decided that I just wanted to pick some berries - period. No divine revelations needed for the moment, thank you very much. So I picked and picked, and moved in silence as though in a trance. Two hours later my husband called to say that our son needed to be driven to a friend. At that point, I could easily have stayed another two hours - at least.
So basically I'm not doing anything at the moment. I even skipped mat pratice today (I'm blaming it on a sore hamstring that doesn't want to heal). I just want to vegetate, and maybe that's what I need for starters. The same way an injured person might have to be sedated at first, until the body can get things under control.
The blueberries were gorgeous, by the way, a lot of them as big as marbles.
Picture from Google
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