I'm considering changing paths. For years I've toyed with the idea every now and then, but call it part of having turned 40, now more than ever it seems as though it's more or less now or never.
For the time being I'm just throwing out some hooks. But that alone was enough to send me into a near panic mentally earlier today. When I started the warm up part of my mat session, I felt completely numbed by FEAR. I had no idea that FEAR had such a stranglehold on me. Above all, it's my FEAR of sacrificing economical security that's paralyzing me from taking action. It's my need for 100% guarantees that I won't screw up that is keeping me prisoner.
I hadn't quite realized what a debilitating effect FEAR had on my actions. Naturally FEAR'S strongest ally is DESIRE who uses her siren-like power to distract me from trying to transform my dreams to goals.
That's why I think my exercise in not buying stuff is just what I need if I'm ever going to manage shifting paradigms. By not distracting myself, or rather, by not stressing myself with endless consumption, be it material or virtual, I am giving myself the opportunity to find fulfillment in other areas.
And if I'm somehow able to find out a way to earn a living while being able to maintain a practice that allows me daytime workouts, well then maybe it's time...
Picture from Google
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