A passionate a-ha moment

This week I had the opportunity to yoga for Ulla Lundgren, certified Anusara Yoga Instructor. It is awesome to be given the chance to learn from those that have dedicated their lives to the art and philosophy of yoga. In comparison I can barely call myself a novice. I'm more of a dabbler, gathering thoughts and ideas where I come across them, and then returning to my ordinary life comprised of family, home, and work.

So when Ulla introduced her theme, icha shakti, asking us what we were passionate about, I was temporarily stumped. Icha shakti is the power of will or desire. It's what drives us towards the direction of becoming God. In other areas of yogic philosophy one is taught to strip oneself of desire in order to create true non-attachment. But this is different. This wasn't about hot and heavy romantic passion. Nor was it about eternal access to bottomless tubs of Ben & Jerry's. It was about connecting to the deeply rooted love within us in order to use its power to ignite and propel us in our practice.

Which is easy, I suppose, if you have a clear picture of what you truly love. So much of my energy goes towards "getting through the day" or "going through the motions" on a daily basis that I initially had no clear idea as to what the heck I was doing there. Because if you're not passionate about your practice, really, then what's the point?

Anyhow, two images came to me. The first was a cloudlike fog (OK, I know that fog is per definition cloudlike, but this was more like the clouds you fly through with an airplane than London-when-you-know-Jack-the-Ripper-is-on-the-loose fog). And in the fog resided peace in its purest form. That's my secret dream - to be able to attain that sense of peace in meditation, something I sense that I am really, really far from at the moment. The other image was my children. Yes, I love my husband, but I think there's an additional aspect of unconditional surrender in the way I love my children that engulfs my entire being. It renders me powerless while at the same time empowering me to the point that I could walk through fire for them.

There's probably a lot more there that I should be more attuned to, but this is what carried me throught the next 2½ hours of matwork. The highlight of my evening, aside from getting my insight tickled, was me actually doing a handstand-split against the wall. That made me feel like a kid again.