Early Monday morning I got home at 3 A.M. after having been to Stockholm for a 5-day course in Virya yoga for pregnancy. Exhausted from lack of sleep, I spent most of Monday in a daze, feeling cranky and frustrated and thinking that maybe it's time to make some changes. I've brushed upon this topic recently when I got to thinking about the pros and cons a job change may or may not entail. My main hangup has been to what extent I would be willing to compromise the peace of mind accompanied with a comfortable salary. And sensing my hestitation to embracing a "simpler" lifestyle, this yogi-wannabe finds herself once again questioning whether or not she's mature enough to live truthfully - both towards herself and her family.
Later on that afternoon I grudgingly went out to shovel yet another few inches of snow from our driveway. The combination of cool, fresh air and physical exertion helped me snap out of my funk, and as I continued to pile snow on top of the 4-foot drifts that line our lawn I sort of had an epiphany. During my "digging meditation" I began to scrutinize in what ways I thought that a job change would improve my life, especially when it came to my yoga. I found myself fantasizing about teaching more classes and holding workshops and having a more regular and vigorous physical as well as spiritual pracitce.
The yogic term maya translates to "not that" and more or less refers to the illusions that incessantly spin around and get stuck in our minds. All of the sudden I realized that I was simply wasting my creative energy on an imaginary escape plan. And it's hardly the first time either. I am somewhat of a master at avoiding both conflicts and disasters, and in the past I have willingly tried different jobs and lived in different places, always in search of finding more satisfaction. The thing is that today I'm finally doing what I set out to do more than 13 years ago. And chances are, a change of jobs might lead to some improvements, but most likely there will be as many (if not more) disadvantages. And me taking on more classes isn't going to free up more time for me to hit the mat on my own, that's for sure!
Last month I couldn't decide on a New Year's Resolution. What came to me as a revelation as I sweated it out with snowshovel in hand, that which I have decided will be my New Year's Resolution for 2010 is:
- Making what I have work.
Picture from Google
