Been where? Done what?

My day of reckoning has soon passed, in 15 minutes to be exact (in my time zone, that is). Perhaps I have not agonized about turning 40, but I can admit that the thought hasn't exactly offered much in the form of comfort. Up until now, I've never minded growing older; I've even enjoyed the feeling of becoming more mature and gaining more stature for each passing year. That's all changed now.

Change is however inevitable, the yogis teach, and nothing in this life is permanent - NOTHING. So it's up to me to deal with it since hiding under the covers (my first reflex) won't do anything to stop the hands of time. Questions arise that I have yet to answer, if I ever figure out how to answer them at all: Where have I been? What have I accomplished? Where am I now? Is this where I should be? Where am I headed? Is this the right direction?

Last night, I woke up at 2 A.M., and realized that my thirties were now over - no turning back. I tossed and turned and gave up long before my alarm clock rang. I wasn't upset or depressed; I was mainly uncertain (and still am) as to what I was (am) feeling about this latest milestone. On the other hand, some things I do know for sure: nothing beats having your family celebrate you on your big day. My breakfast never tasted better, and seeing the excitement in my kids' eyes as I opened their presents was about as good as presents can get!

What shocked me, though, was opening my present from P. It must be love when someone knows you better than you know yourself. He has unbeknownst to me signed me up for a week long painting/meditation course by the sea on Öland this coming summer. I would never have dared to do that myself - as much as I would love to learn how to paint, I would be too afraid to try something this cool mainly because I fear doing anything I suck at. I was speechless; then my throat got knotted as tears filled my eyes.

It was the best present imaginable. I am so freaking lucky. I may not be sure of where I've been of what I've done, but at least I know that in July of 2010, I will be sitting by the sea doing something I've only dreamed of so far. Me like.

Pictures from Google