Keeping my head above water

At times I fear that my yoga teacher would be disappointed if she knew how little time I spend on the mat. (On the other hand, she just became a first-time mother a month ago, so maybe she, too, will soon be in the same must-prioritize-boat all working mothers sail around in?) Anyhow, my absolute minimum is once a week. If I manage to do yoga twice a week, at this point in my life, I'm satisfied with that. Sometimes that second round is maybe 20 minutes in the morning or evening, but I'm finding out that I'm able to reap enough benefits from these shorter sessions for me to feel that it's definitely better than nothing. And since I strongly feel that yoga doesn't have to be restricted to only doing asanas, I find that taking walks is also a great way to recharge/re-balance.

My good friend, Carina, noted that my latest entries have been laced with a tone of gratitude, and that's something I've been doing deliberately. My schedule is insane for the moment, and the fact that I am nursing two sick children to boot doesn't make it easier. Or, actually, it does. It makes it easy to "choose" since there are no other options; my children need me. And I need that they need me.

I've always felt that offering forgiveness is the hardest thing for me. We Catholics are after all masters at carrying grudges and passing judgment... But I've done a lot of reflecting this past year about what kind of life I want. Reading blogs like Börja Om, written by a widow who lost her husband to cancer in March and is the sole parent left to raise their two small children, has taught me so much about finding perspective. I try to make a point of seeing the small things that bring me joy: the yellow leaves that are starting to dot my lawn, when my son melts into my arms for a hug. I think that the reminder of life's finity along with its lack of guarantees is finally helping me learn how to forgive myself for not excelling in all areas at all times (or even some of the time) so that I can just focus on what I have.

The other day I received a package in the mail. It was a book that I ordered from Amazon, completely on a whim, and solely based on its title, "Life is a Verb". I love that title. I truly believe that we are the masters of our destiny, or rather, of how we perceive our destiny.

I think that a certain sense of self-autonomy is the difference between keeping your head above water and living, as opposed to keeping your head above water and merely surviving. So what do you think of the picture I found on google? Is the duckling struggling? Or is she enjoying the feel of water and the energy of her life force? Hmmmm...