Provoked

The old chin is coming out, but I can't help it. My blood pressure was boiling yesterday, and all because of a NOVEL that I am in the process of listening to while spending my days out on the road again.

Usually I really enjoy novels that depict longspun, intricate relationships; this one about two women and their lifelong friendship with all its trials and tribulations is no different. However, I have had it up to here (hand at chin) with "The Average Middle-Class American Woman" character whose grown life comes down to years of self-imposed victimization and martyrdom - especially when said character has made a conscious choice to become a housewife.

I am in no way belittling the hardships of being a full-time mother. I, for one, am not cut out for it. Regardless, however, of the choices one makes, I am not about to believe that a woman who has dedicated her life to caring for her family and home is incapable of caring for her own soul or determining her own fate. I got so incredibly aggravated as I listened during a three-hour drive yesterday to this fictional woman's thoughts and beliefs that her dreams could never be realized, that her husband would always secretly desire her best friend who was gorgeous and successful, that she just always had to be the one who volunteered to do this, that, and the other thing at all school, church, and social functions. And what she's telling herself is that she has no choice, she's completely powerless, as though life is something predestined, something that "happens to you".

At this point I'm ready to scream, "Wake up, dammit, and realize that you are the one steering your fate - right down the toilet for that matter!" And maybe you (blog-reader) are thinking, "Well so are you, Judie, so turn the damn thing off if it's that annoying!" Point taken. I will however keep on listening (since I'm in the car anyway) in the hopes that she will eventually come around. But it's hard, because she's in her forties at this point, and time isn't exactly slowing down.

Anyhow, back to the point...the point being...right - you cannot NOT choose, period. Sure, life can be overwhelming and really suck at times. I, personally, am dreading September since I am going to be away more during the weeks than I am at home. But whose choice is that? Was it not me who applied for and accepted this job? Have I not chosen my career path so that I, among other things, could have a comfortable lifestyle? And so on.

And when things are crazy, which they are bound to be at this point in our lives, what right do I have to expect someone or something outside of myself to fix it for me, if I'm not willing to try fixing it myself? Fixing in this case means perhaps taking that morning walk, drinking a cup of coffee on the porch, or simply stating to my family - that's it, I'll be downstairs for a while to do some yoga. And I try my best to make sure that what's most important gets done and simply forgive myself for neither having the time nor energy to deal with everything else.

It may not always be much, but it's enough to get me through the rougher times. I must however add that I am lucky to have my husband's support. We try to make sure that each of us gets to enjoy time on our own. Our lifestyle choices are choices we have made together, so we do our best to maintain some sort of balance, for the most part. It may not always be 50-50, but at least it's not 90-10 either.