Chemical warfare

Mmmmm, a banana barge.
(I remember making these when I
 worked at Carvel as a teenager!)

I am being put to the test this week. Even though I haven't been travelling, there are a number of assignments that I have been working hard on. A lot is riding on them, so I've been weighing each word, slide, and sales argument with "a golden scale" (Swedish expression). The stakes have gotten higher, and at the same time, I know for certain that not all of my attempts are going to be successful. I will in fact be falling flat on my face from time to time, now more than ever.

This results in me turning into a nuclear reactor with steadily rising toxic levels. The demands I place upon myself in combination with my fear of failure turn me into a poster-child for stress reactions. Yoga has taught me to recognize the signals: burning sensation in my gut, increased pressure on my chest, heart pumping faster, tension in jaws, and an acidic taste in my mouth. It's like I can envision the release of adrenaline into my veins, that in turn leads to a heavy shower of cortisol being poured out into my system. If this keeps up, my insuline levels could be affected which opens an even greater Pandora's box of health ailments.

So what can I do? No, seriously, what should I do?!

This is how I am attempting to remedy the situation in a true trial & error fashion:

• Try to create harmony when possible, but above all, be more accepting when things aren't exactly the way I want them to be = be less reactive.
• Remember that when I get upset about something, that my feelings only make up one perspective; there are probably a million other ways to read a situation.
• Recognize that when I am starting to stress, I can be grateful for my practice that has taught me to be more attuned to what my body is communicating to me.
• Accept that I am going to fail, and that it won't be the end of the world. There's something to be said about having enough faith to realize that things will still somehow work themselves out in the end, as long as my intentions and efforts are true.
• Remember what's important in life.

One things that's been helping me a lot the past couple of months, is that when I roll out my mat, I pour out everything into my practice. If I'm stressed, I offer that. If I'm angry, I offer that. If I'm frustrated, I offer that. If I'm exhausted, I offer that. Sometimes, I offer all of the above.

And when all else fails, there's always ice cream.

Om shanti om. Peace to you all.