Oh, ME of little faith...

Picture from Google

I am still working on venturing outside of my comfort zone.

On the one hand, I want to keep making an honest effort to be more generous with random acts of love and kindness to those around me. It's become apparent that my biggest obstacle there is once again the fear that I'll screw it up somehow. Can you believe that? Wouldn't you say that the likelihood of someone being somehow offended by a humble act of kindness is about as realistic as me informing my child who's made, say, a Mother's Day card that their drawing is sub-par? Am I right?! But honestly, I believe that my unreletting fear of making mistakes and of what others might think is what keeps me from giving more of myself to others.

Then there's the other side of the spectrum within my comfort zone - one that I temporarily exited yesterday. This is where I give a perfect stranger a piece of my mind. She was rude, and I called her on it. For once I didn't just look the other away because that would be like signaling that inconsideration to other people is OK, and it's just not. Still, my heart was pounding, and I had to struggle to remain calm, because I am the worst when it comes to these kind of confrontations. Surprisingly enough (yes, I'm being sarcastic here), she didn't agree with me at all, and this is why I usually don't bother saying what I think since I know it won't make a lick of difference. That and me being terrified of making a fool out of myself. But I didn't back down. And I remained civil. However, the flight-reaction of my sympathetic nervous system really let me know how far of a stretch it often is for me to stand up for what I believe is right without coming across as a nervous wreck.

For whatever reason, in cases like these, I put others' feelings above my own.

Is it because I don't trust myself enough?

Or is it that I don't value my own set of personal values?

Or could it be that the problem is that I am my harshest critic; in other words, I am the one who's incapable of forgiving myself for my own shortcomings?

When will I learn that if my intentions are pure, and my actions are consistent and earnest, that I won't have to worry about the consequences - regardless? Seriously, how much cool stuff could I replace all this fear with, now that I've become so much more aware of it?