It's 9 P.M. For once, I am just sitting quietly alone in our easy chair by an open window. It's dusk; the sky is a mix of light pink and blue and lined with purple clouds. A lone grasshopper is putting on a solo act in the bushes (my crickets substitute).
At another point in my life, I may not have allowed myself the luxury of just being here, enjoying this moment. Are there other things I could be doing? Absolutely. How about that meditation practice that I've managed put on hold? Still on hold. Because, you know what? For now, I'll settle for being mindful and enjoy the sweetness of Santosha, the social discipline of contentment. Change that - right or wrong, I prefer it.
As always, there's work that could be done, clothes that need to be folded, projects that I promised myself would be started. But luckily for me and my indulgent, lazy self, there's enough of a household system at work that I can feel a small sense of order in our surroundings - far from perfect, but enough to keep me from going into a guilt-ridden rage of straightening up. Have my standards sunk so low? Probably to some degree. But most of all, I feel like there's more space around me, within me, so that the pressures normally associated with seemingly endless to-do lists lose their steam.
I start back to work in a few days. The two major private projects I was going to tackle while I was on vacation were never even started. But tonight, in this moment, whether I'm right or wrong, I couldn't care less.
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