Multiple personalities



Picture from Google

 Sometimes I have more personalities than the Sally Field character from the movie "Sybil" (I think she had 16 or so). Today was a gloomy day both inside and out. It actually felt like the black clouds filled to the brim with cold and heavy raindrops were inside my heart. Your typical pity party. I learned while taking a class in improving my patience last year that that melancholy inner being is a part of my inner child, the part that doesn't feel she received enough love and validation when she was young.

You don't have to watch many episodes of Dr. Phil to realize that there's a myriad of people who didn't get what they needed while growing up. His advice in these situations is that we as individuals sometimes have to give ourselves that which we did not receive from, say, our parents. Another part of me, that which I call my silence since she only makes herself heard when I am still (usually in meditation), thinks that's mighty sound advice. My silence seems to exist outside of myself, and I wonder at times if she's what Buddhists consider to be spirit? In any case, my silence is the soothing voice of reason that reiterates all the tokens of wisdom I try to pick up here and there. She's never condescending, but she doesn't exactly take command either. So when I'm blue, she reminds me to be mindful, that it's ok to be blue, that it will eventually pass, and that seen from another perspective, maybe things aren't so bad. It's sort of a spiritual "Take two aspirin and call me in the morning."

Yoga is my aspirin. But it's a tough bottle to open. I have to convince my physical body to be willing to subject itself to something my ego really isn't up for. My ego coaxes my body to pull the covers over my head. But then good sense puts on her coach cap and whistle and says, "Let's give it a shot first before we give up." My intellectual self knows that if my physical body manages to get moving, then the endorphine rush that follows physical exertion might be enough to get the storm front to pass. But my good sense has to be smart about it. She has to be willing to let me lose my focus now and again, encourage me to choose modifications, and graciously allow me to slowly ease into my session.

Nice to be able to enjoy only party cloudy skies now.

Namaste.