Long time, no see

Or more like NO time, NO see.

I miss blogging, so much so that I left my warm bed at 6:30 A.M. on a Saturday morning so that I could indulge myself while the rest of the house was asleep. So my absence from this page isn't due to a lack of interest. It's just that I'm at the point where I have to prioritize whether I want to write entries or get enough sleep...

I think I can honestly say that I've never been busier than I am at the moment. Granted, having a newborn was a lot tougher than leading the life of career woman/mother of school children/homemaker/yogi/yadayadayada which is why you will never see me being a trendy mother of three! Having small babies was for me just utterly exhausting, albeit well worth the effort, if you know what I mean.

Nowadays it's the art of juggling in combination with the art of logistics that is vital if anything is to get done. In the process some balls must be dropped to the ground in order to keep the rest of them airborne. Funny thing is, for the first time in my life, I'm not feeling completely frazzled, and I think that learning to meditate is finally really starting to pay off.

In yoga literature you read about detachment, non-desire, differentiating between self and mind, but it's so incredibly diffuse in the beginning that you don't know what to make of it. And I definitely didn't see the point of it!

Growing up, I was the hypersensitive (still am), perfectionistic (still am), type-A (not so much now), reactionary (at times) whirlwind type. Note that I "still am" a number of these characteristics. However, I find that more often when faced with adversity, I'm not just living in Sweden - I AM Sweden (neutral, that is...). It's suddenly apparent that crumbs on the kitchen counter is easily remedied, and a cooler version of myself just grabs the dishrag. All the while, I see myself, almost in an out of body experience, from a distance, in a much calmer place than before.

The idea that I am not my thoughts is really starting to ring true, and the liberation that entails is mindboggling.

The fact that I am completely blessed in my life obviously plays a huge role, making it all the more natural to feel contentment despite our typhoon-like schedule: I have a good job that I enjoy, I have my darling children who seem to be doing well in their own life adventures, I have my husband, I have my yoga, I have my home.

If I were lacking in any of those areas, or if I were to lose any of them, I completely accept that I wouldn't necessarily be able to seem as self-assured as I am feeling for now. No kidding that it's easier to be detached if you know that you have the thing you're detaching yourself from! But maybe, just maybe, using the good times to learn more about myself will help me out when the dark times come.