Mental Tourette's

Not exactly a cheery title, but it's a recurring pattern I want to break. On the outside, I have gotten much better at keeping my cool. Still, for whatever reason, my stress threshold is mighty low, so every time something happens that isn't what I want to happen, curse words start flailing about in my mind. Maybe it's a way of letting off some steam, in order to prevent a complete breakdown?

Even so, is having to get up to answer the phone just after I sit down any reason to become irritated? So what if the car in front of me wants to drive 5 miles under the speed limit? Is is really a huge inconvenience to have to rearrange the pillows on the couch to suit the way I want them to be?

Really, who do I think I am?

My body's not liking it one bit, either. E-v-e-r-y s-i-n-g-l-e t-i-m-e something starts to get me riled up, I get riled up (like, duh?!). My stomach knots and my chest tightens. Yay me, for being better at identifing signals; shame on me for not being more accepting. I think it's because I am feeling more driven, both with work and myself. And being driven is tiring.

In meditation I was wondering if I should take a break from yoga. I thought I would come to the conclusion that it was time to let go a little from my practice. I was genuinely surprised when my silence answered, "staying fit is part of the discipline". How true, I thought. Acquiesence isn't the solution either.

Or if it is, I'm not there yet. So far, I've recogized my problem. I've decided I want to change it. F-i-n-a-l-l-y, I've taken the time to sit down and write about it. (It amazes me every time, the calming effect writing has even when I feel no direct pride in what I am conveying.)What would my namesake Yogamamma suggest?

She would probably tell me to take a breath instead of swearing. I'll give it a shot.