I have more than one unfinished blog entry, never to be published. Even though they are my words, coming from my inner voice, I just don't feel I can identify 100% with them. Looking back at older entries (the only ones I have, seeing that I've hardly written anything recently), I usually feel pretty good about what I've written. Even on days when I was feeling down, I could sense the silver lining, a glimpse of hopeful optimism, that the direction of my life was still on track. I wonder, however, if there is too much of a glamour-fog-filter (the kind used on each and every one of Captain Kirk's love interests) in my words.So instead of just enveloping my setbacks in terms of yogic grace, I would like to see if I am brave enough to just be ordinary. Granted, I am keenly aware that pouring out the details of my life on the World.Wide.Web isn't an option for me. On the other hand, it's easy to use that as an excuse to over-censure my trains of thoughts in an effort to make my writing, well, maybe a little bit more interesting.
Just putting those last words up on the screen (can't really write "down on paper"), is a stretch outside of my comfort zone. But maybe, just maybe, I will be more consistent in keeping my blog updated if I give myself permission to write about everyday life? And that way the channels of thought that feel clogged will have a chance to air themselves out?
I could perhaps mention that I just finished reading MWF Seeking BFF. I bought it because I would love to find a female BFF. Although considerably younger than me, the author Rachel Bertsche still managed to strike a chord within me. One of her a-ha moments was discovering that one of the signs of true friendship must be when you, without hesitation, can pose the question, "Why do I have 4 jars of pickles in my refrigerator?"
In other words, no need for a glamour-fog-Star Trek- filter.
Good luck finding a BFF. One thing I love about Facebook is rediscovering all the acquaintances I had in childhood. I never found a BFF back then, and I like to blame it on the fact that I was never at the same school for more than a few years. Now I realize it's because I had horrible social skills and terrible fear of rejection. Anyway, quite a few of those girls have grown into women I'd feel quite comfortable expounding on the number of pickles in my fridge with. (That sentence reads oddly, but I'll leave it anyway.)
ReplyDeleteI enjoy reading your blog posts very much and wondered if you had given up. I'm glad to have whatever sunshine or daily grind you bring to the table. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my own little problems and I forget about the nice people out there. And sometimes I go looking for a connection with someone I feel I know. All the rosy status updates and "gee, my kid nearly died on a ski lift, but it's a blessing in disguise" blog posts often leave me wondering if I'm the only one who ever notices the dark clouds. Everyone needs a bit of realism. And everyone needs some sunshine.
Talk about poetic; you just gave me chills. Best.Reply.Ever. I am genuinely touched, Alexa. And so glad to have you as a friend.
ReplyDeleteThought about you yesterday, BTW. I was eating dinner at a pizza restaurant at Schipol when I saw an ad for their Dutch "Dolce pizza", smothered in with Nutella. Talk about living up to the addage "Crazy Dutchmen". :-)